Through 14 aphorisms and 1 metaphorical story to sum it all up!
The Story
Summing up one’s entire lived experience in a story is difficult, maybe even impossible. Yet sometimes, a poem/metaphor just does that. This story resonated so much that it has now become my north star:
Many of us might have thought about what we would grab from our homes in a fire. If you haven’t, imagine it now. Your family is safely on the street and you have a chance to grab something, what would it be? Photos, a computer, dad’s watch, you can’t fit much in your hands
In some sense, we are always in this situation, we are always deciding what to grasp. What matters? What is worth paying attention to in this moment? Because you can pay attention to only one thing at a time.
It’s as though we continually wake up in the burning house of the present only to find that we are holding and even struggling under the weight of some worthless object. That’s what bickering with your spouse is like, that’s what rumination is like, that’s what most of our worrying is like, that’s what comparing ourselves to others is like, that’s what envy and regret are like, that’s what pride is like.
I mean really, the Tate Gallery was on fire, and rather than rescue a Picasso, or a Da Vinci, you risked your life to grab some chairs from the coffee shop?
— Sam Harris Waking Up App (Space, Time, and Attention)
Taken together with Annie Dillard’s quote “How we spend our days, is of course how we spend our lives, this story is a poignant reminder of the importance of paying attention to what we pay attention to every moment of our lives. It has been quite transformational to redesign my life around this single organizing principle. It has also simplified my life.
Why This Blog?
As Simon Sinek has convinced almost all of us, we always have to start with why! Why should I think about the 34 years of life I have lived so far?
The 3 “why”s that led to this blog:
- Why should I think about the 34 years of life I have lived so far? In all these years, I have learned that pausing, reflecting, contemplating, & introspecting about my life are some of the finest ways to learn more about myself and my values.
- Why should I learn more about myself & my values? My life experience has taught me that, only by knowing and understanding myself (my childhood and my present day goals – special thanks to Freud and Adler, respectively), and most importantly the values I stand for and resonate with, I can lead a meaningful life.
- Why should I live a meaningful, fulfilled or an examined life? Because the alternative to a more fulfilling, meaningful life → A trivial life sounds dull, boring & pointless. (Thank you Jim Rohn and Tim Denning)
However, I still acknowledge that birthday posts like “40 lessons at 40” have become worse than a cliche today. But I get why people write them—reflection is personal, and it’s a way to make sense of life’s lessons. Apart from giving them the views and the likes, it’s an interesting way to look back at their own lives. It’s a helpful exercise that benefits one more personally than professionally. As someone with ADHD, I’ve learned the hard way that life unravels without frequent self-review. This post is my attempt to look back with purpose.
14 Aphorisms
1. The brain is the key
Learning how my brain works has been the most significant step I have taken towards living a good life. (this includes a basic understanding of neurodivergence, the prefrontal cortex, the limbic system, and the reptilian brain and the role of neurotransmitters – dopamine, serotonin, and endorphins)
2. Givers gain
It may seem counterintuitive, but givers invariably receive more than takers. At the core of human nature lies the need for contribution and connection (Thank you, Adam Grant & Alfred Adler!)
3. Writing is the most effective way to think and learn
Socrates was wrong about writing, but Marcus Aurelius got it right. Writing is how I (and all the interesting people I meet) think and learn. The real threat of LLMs isn’t that they’ll end the world, but that they might strip us of our ability to write, think, and truly learn.
4. Ego – we all have to get over it!
Ego is the root of many problems in one’s life. The most efficient way to get over our ego is to learn to love someone unconditionally or to have a kid. Having a kid is quite close to a psychedelic experience (that goes well), because both of these experiences dissolve one’s ego effectively and permanently.
- Jia Tolentino explains this ego death in detail, so you might as well read this – She chased ego death – first in religion and then in parenthood).
- P.S It’s fascinating how two people from different cultures can arrive at the same conclusion after having a child. (We are all different, yet the same). Strangely, I discovered Jia Tolentino on Ezra Klein’s podcast right after writing this aphorism—one of the year’s wildest coincidences!
5. Art as an antidote to the suffering inherent in life
Art is the best antidote to life’s hardship and suffering – A great article (this one) that feels like a pat on the back or a warm hug. A beautiful song (this one), touches parts of your soul that you never knew existed in the first place. A great movie (this one), serves as a reminder of the melancholy and the joy of love and life. It is always helpful to remember the following:
- The ultimate purpose of art is to articulate feelings that are otherwise inexpressible. (thank you Alain de Botton)
- We don’t read and write poetry because it’s cute. We read and write poetry because we are members of the human race. And the human race is filled with passion. Medicine, law, business, engineering, these are noble pursuits and necessary to sustain life. But poetry, beauty, romance, love, these are what we stay alive for. (thank you “Dead Poets Society”)
6. Philosophy & Psychology are 2 subjects that can help you come to terms with even the most trickiest problems that life throws at you
Having a basic 101 understanding of philosophy & psychology has saved me from some of the worst problems that life has thrown at me till date
- Philosophy helped me come to terms with some of the most difficult questions I have struggled with for a lot of time (what’s the purpose of life? Why is life so unfair? What’s within my control?). The teachings of the stoic masters (Seneca, Epictetus and Marcus Aurelius) and cognitive behavioral therapy have saved my life
- Psychology has always fascinated me. It has helped me understand people and myself (my past, and present) better. It has helped me realize what my personality is and what I could do / be to be a better human. Alfred Adler and The School of Life have been my most helpful guides
7. Sport is a helpful metaphor for life
Sport is a metaphor for life – Athletes, by pushing their minds & bodies to their boundaries, show us what each of us is capable of. And the most important lesson that sport can teach us all is that like sport, life can be brutal. You can put in your life on the line and still lose if it is not your day.
In case you don’t understand, read Vinesh Phogat: A Girl Called Courage
8. There are 3 things that make a difference in India
The city you are born/study/live in, the people you/your parents know, Top-notch education (IIT/IIM/other good ones)
9. Friends Over Money – anytime!
A close circle of friends can make life richer than money ever could. (Thanks, Kevin Kelly.)
10. Food and Sex are the finest barometers of physical and mental health
Most of life’s issues manifest in food or sexual habits—fixing them can often fix everything else. Issues with food are often a symptom of physical health problems, while issues with sex are good indicators of mental health problems
11. The most powerful influencer in the world still is a book
The most effective (and one of the cheapest) way to transform one’s life is through reading good, great and/or classic books.
- Good books —> teach you something new & widen your viewpoint. (eg: The Right Kind of Wrong, Practical Wisdom)
- Great books —> Solve one of the hard problems of life: Every time you finish reading them, you are a different person. (eg: Feeling Good by Dr David Burns, The Perfection Trap, by Thomas Curran, The Courage to be Disliked)
- Masterpiece / Classics —> Lives with you & lingers on your mind forever. It changes your identity in ways you never thought a book could. Examples include “Master & Man, Old Man & the Sea, Big Magic
12. Money – is an excellent servant and a terrible master!
Money improves life evaluation but doesn’t impact emotional well-being much beyond a certain point. (One just needs to understand this 2010 study by Daniel Kahneman and Angus Deaton to improve their relationship with money)
13. Play the long game day in day out
Life’s worth pursuing long-term projects (long meaning they range between 1 year to a decade or more). It’s the most important lesson my neurodivergence has taught me—even if my focus may be fragmented, if i can commit to long-term goals I can live a more fulfilling life. Angela Duckworth, Jim Collins, Malcom Gladwell, Anders Ericsson and Gary Keller have popularized this idea, but learning and living this truth has been quite phenomenal!
14. Attention is all we have! Finally, the hardest problem I continue to work on is attention. I hope this post helps readers reclaim their attention and leads them to a more fulfilling life. I will leave you with 2 of my favorite quotes to sum this up:
- “Our life experience will equal what we have paid attention to, whether by choice or default.” — William James (Father of American Psychology)
- “The most vital human resource in need of conservation is our own consciousness and mental space.” — Tim Wu (Author of Attention Merchants)
- “The most precious gift we can offer anyone is our attention” – Thich Nhat Hanh
